I actually don’t know what’s going on.
The Boston Celtics are down 2-0 to the New York Knicks heading back to Madison Square Garden, and are a smooth 25 of 100 from three so far this series. They made one shot (a dunk) in the last eight minutes. They have blown two 20-point leads. What in the heckeroni and cheese is happening here?
The Knicks suck. They are playing like garbage. We are actually so much better than these guys. But the Celtics just… could not put the ball in the basket for a quarter of the game. I’m not really sure what to do about that.
Three-point variance is liable to kill the Celtics… but I didn’t know it was this liable to. We’ve missed 75 freaking threes in two games, which leads me to believe we’re in some sort of romance novel that is going to end with Donte DiVincenzo hitting a game winner over the Knicks in the NBA Finals to complete the Villanova telenovela.
I believe in math. I believe in overwhelming your opponents with threes. I believe that works because it literally just does. But that presumes everyone on the court is a competent shooter… which on the Celtics they are. I just… I just…
Are the Knicks performing some sort of pressure-point karate on defense that makes their opponent unable to shoot? Did Jalen Brunson sell his soul to the basketball gods to unlock the secret scrolls of make-your-opponent-miss magic? Is this like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, with Ben Stiller cursing our broomstick while we’re trying to play Quidditch?
This is officially at 2023 Eastern Conference Finals levels of lunacy. The Celtics have been way better than the Knicks despite missing every shot, and had a 20-point lead in every game despite missing every shot. And then the game is close, despite missing every shot. And then they lose, because they missed every shot. Can’t the Knicks just win by 45 or something, befitting of this garbage shooting?
Every ounce of ball knowledge in my body tells me the Celtics should be up 2-0 right now. I don’t believe in magic or superstition or any of the cosmic, space-bending absurdity that the Knicks seem to be playing with. But I’m simply out of other ideas… because how could a team this talented miss every single god-damn shot in the last eight minutes of the game?!
You know what? Let’s just go down 3-0. Let’s just plaster our backs so far up against the wall that we have to do the impossible to survive. Because rational basketball is not working this time around. Time to get creative.
